What keeps me sane...

..this is an excerpt from an email between one of my brothers (B2) and I:

Me: Did you hear that I've got a new job starting in January?

B2: If you have the job of interviewing strippers at dance clubs, could I be your apprentice?

Me: You know what's funny? While high as a kite on painkillers last night, Mom asked me if I was the 'lady' from the 'That's why the lady is a tramp' song and now you think I should be interviewing strippers... I clearly need to rethink how I present myself.

Actually, I've been asked to join the faculty at ********** College. You may now call me 'Professor'. ;o)

B2: What are you teaching at ***********? "How to stay sane with an ex-husband, husband, teenage twins, a newborn and a dying mother?"

Me: No, that's going to be the book that gets me on Oprah.

B2: When the book gets made into a movie, who's going to play you (Ju.lia Ro.berts is too old now). And, more importantly, who's going to play me?

Me: I'm shooting for C.harlize Thero.n (a girl can dream). maybe To.m Han.ks for you?

B2: Gee, he's getting old and a bit heavy*. Dani.el Craig would be great....
P.S. - I often dream about Charlize Theron too.

P.P.S. - we could get the chick who plays Penn.y** on Big Bang Th.eory to do you if it's a comedy.

Me: K.... D.aniel Craig it is. .. and I'm pretty sure we're not dreaming the same things about Charlize. Think I can ger Ge.orge Lucas*** to play B1? Suggestions for Sis?

B2: Actually, Juli.a Rob.erts would be ok for Sis. G Lu.cas would be great for B1.

Me: So it's settled then! I feel much better. Now I just need to write the book...(and maybe figure out how to survive first)!

So it's true - I am going to be teaching at an Ontario College starting in the winter semester... I am really looking forward to it as it's WAY better than working retail!

Now I just have to find a wonderful person to watch Chip while I'm at school. I'm already having nightmares about this, so you can imagine this is not going to be an easy exercise.

I won't trust a face like this to just anyone, you know:







*Note: B2 just turned 50.

** B2 swears that Penny from the Big Bang is exactly like me in personality. Being a fan of the show, I have to admit he's right...even Mark says it's so. I was Penny about 20 years ago.

***My eldest brother, B1, is a dead ringer for G.eorge Lucas!

Still here

...just really busy. Mom's in palliative care and I've been going almost everyday to visit with her. Chip comes with me and is the beau of the entire hospital. All of the nurses and most of the patients know him by name.

Life right now is kind of on hold as my family and I spend as much time as we can with my Mom.

I will be back, but it will be a while.

In the meantime, here's some gorgeous nom-nom baby for you...

Definition of Embarassing....

...when you surreptitiously slide a book of "explicit erotica for women" into the pile of books that you're purchasing for you kids and thinking that you've gotten away with it until you mistakenly hand said book to your daughter instead of the book you've purchased for her.

Good thing my kids are teens and have a sense of humour.

Though they are now sufficiently grossed out to need therapy for a good long while.

Well at least I'm not the only one

It seems that other than Dtrini and Outburst, all the bloggers on my list have gone AWOL over the past little while. So I don't feel so bad.

I have been ridiculously busy not only with Chip but also with my Mom who has been very ill, two teenagers that are trying their level best to drive me insane and a very busy husband who is not only working full-time, but is also designing a university course that he'll be teaching in the fall.

Did I mention I am also trying to finish a cross-stitch for Chip and I'm knitting three baby blankets for friends that are due in the near future (one of the blankets I have to finish next week).

Then there's the house to maintain (omg I wouldn't let you in if you showed up at the front door), laundry to do (omg the laundry), various doctors' appointments (for Mom, Chip, The Boy, The Girl, and me) and general miscellaneous stuff.

Needless to say, blogging is very low on my list of things to do right now.

To make up for this, I've attached some pictures of the G.erber baby for your viewing pleasure.

This is Chip's "No Shit, Sherlock. Ya think??" look.



Note the string of drool? Yeah, it's getting worse everyday. Gotta love teething.

Chip is definitely our child. He loves him some laptops! Here he's watching S.esame Street on Y.ouTube.

I'm not dead yet...

..though most days I feel mostly dead (but it's just exhaustion).

Chip is doing well. Growing quickly (he's 14, almost 15 weeks) and is smiling and happy and almost 14 lbs. He has big gorgeous blue eyes and is a great, well behaved baby.

Here's a picture that I took with my cell phone the other day as we were heading out to spend the day with my sister.

Tell me that's not the cutest picture ever!!

Anyway, we're all well and happy and busy. Mossy's not dead either, but I think he's given up blogging. Feel free to hit his blog and NAG HIS ASS to post SOMETHING.

As a final giggle... a condom ad that has, apparently, been banned in the USA. This ad just kills me everytime I watch it. Brilliant!!

Earworm

This has been stuck in my head for nigh on 3 days. These guys are great musicians and I find myself singing their latest release over and over again. :)

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with sleep deprivation and repetitive behaviour (feed baby, change baby, put baby down to sleep, hear baby cry, feed baby, change baby, rinse and repeat).

Edited: Larry brought to my attention that the video didn't run anymore because of copyright crap. So here's a link to the video on another site. Click here

Oh, and here's their latest release on their official You Tube channel: Gotta Be Somebody.

The Best Christmas Gift Ever

I'd like to introduce you to Chip Shagwell-Stone.

He arrived early on December 29th weighing in at 8 lbs and measuring 19 inches.

He is the most amazing, cutest, most kissable, softest, sweet-smellingest baby in the whole wide world.



He also has his Momma's attitude, as clearly shown in this photo:



Ever seen a kid with a better WTF face than this? Notice the hand ready to bitch-slap, too.

I am head over heels in love with my youngest son. He is the ulimate Christmas gift.

Is Nothing Sacred?

Happy Days? Fine.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? If you must.

But this??

I simply cannot accept it. I won't. It's ethically, morally and just plain WRONG.

Up Yer Kilts!

For my real life hubby and my cyberguy, both of whom look awesome in kilts:

Guys' Top 15 Reasons to own a Kilt:>

1. Chicks I've never met before ask me about my underwear.
2. Kilt + Bathroom = Easy.
3. The freedom to scratch when and where it itches.
4. It itches a lot less in a kilt- it's the breeze
5. It makes people wonder.
6. You can call Punks conformists.
7. Almost as good as being naked.
8. Women love men in kilts.
9. When operating a zipper is too far beyond your capabilities.
10. Floor mounted AC vents on a hot day.
11. History has shown that men in kilts routinely kick the shit out of the trousered.
12. In the words of Mel Gibson in Braveheart ..."Freedom!"
13. Two Words. Beer Pockets.
14. Asshole Auto-Detect System: Anyone who snickers and says "nice skirt" is obviously a homophobe or just plain stodgy...
15. It's called a "kilt" 'cause we done kilt everyone who called it a skirt.

Reasons Why Women Love Men Who Wear Kilts:

1. Access
2. Air circulation = Virility
3. The way his pleats swing when he walks
4. It would be a shame to hide legs like that.
5. It takes confidence to wear a kilt, and confidence is sexy
6. I don't have to bother asking, "Boxers or briefs?"
7. When I'm with my man, the look of envy I get from others
8. Sitting across from him on the Subway.
9. Zero to naked in 2 seconds
10. Sean Connery, Mel Gibson... need I go on?

Happy Thanksgiving!

To all my American friends, I wish you the happiest of Thanksgivings today, and the best of whatever shopping deals you can find tomorrow!

Eat, drink and be merry!!

Highway of Heroes

We live very close to the stretch of highway to which they're referring (though we're not in Coburg, but a bit further west).

I've seen hundreds of people crammed onto the overpasses: old, young, families, firefighters, cops, ambulances..you name it. I've seen the motorcades go by.

And I've wept for the fallen every time.

Re-post?

This email has been out for a while, and I'm pretty sure I posted it on the old Penny blog. However, while it's a bit overblown and preachy, it's still a good read.


British news paper salutes Canada . . . this is a good read. It is funny how it took someone in England to put it into words... Sunday Telegraph Article From today's UK wires:
Salute to a brave and modest nation - Kevin Myers, 'The Sunday Telegraph' LONDON :

Until the deaths of Canadian soldiers killed in Afghanistan, probably almost no one outside their home country had been aware that Canadian troops are deployed in the region.

And as always, Canada will bury its dead, just as the rest of the world, as always will forget its sacrifice, just as it always forgets nearly everything Canada ever does.. It seems that Canada's historic mission is to come to the selfless aid both of its friends and of complete strangers, and then, once the crisis is over, to be well and truly ignored.

Canada is the perpetual wallflower that stands on the edge of the hall, waiting for someone to come and ask her for a dance. A fire breaks out, she risks life and limb to rescue her fellow dance-goers, and suffers serious injuries. But when the hall is repaired and the dancing resumes, there is Canada, the wallflower still, while those she once helped Glamorously cavort across the floor, blithely neglecting her yet again.

That is the price Canada pays for sharing the North American continent with the United States, and for being a selfless friend of Britain in two global conflicts.

For much of the 20th century, Canada was torn in two different directions: It seemed to be a part of the old world, yet had an address in the new one, and that divided identity ensured that it never fully got the gratitude it deserved.

Yet it's purely voluntary contribution to the cause of freedom in two world wars was perhaps the greatest of any democracy.

Almost 10% of Canada's entire population of seven million people served in the armed forces during the First World War, and nearly 60,000 died. The great Allied victories of 1918 were spearheaded by Canadian troops, perhaps the most capable soldiers in the entire British order of battle.

Canada was repaid for its enormous sacrifice by downright neglect, it's unique contribution to victory being absorbed into the popular memory as somehow or other the work of the 'British.'

The Second World War provided a re-run. The Canadian navy began the war with a half dozen vessels, and ended up policing nearly half of the Atlantic against U-boat attack. More than 120 Canadian warships participated in the Normandy landings, during which 15,000 Canadian soldiers went ashore on D-Day alone.

Canada finished the war with the third-largest navy and the fourth largest air force in the world. The world thanked Canada with the same sublime indifference as it had the previous time.

Canadian participation in the war was acknowledged in film only if it was necessary to give an American actor a part in a campaign in which the United States had clearly not participated - a touching scrupulousness which, of course, Hollywood has since abandoned, as it has any notion of a separate Canadian identity.

It is a general rule that actors and filmmakers arriving in Hollywood keep their nationality - unless, that is, they are Canadian. Thus Mary Pickford, Walter Huston, Donald Sutherland, [and Keifer Sutherland], Michael J. Fox, William Shatner, Norman Jewison, David Cronenberg, Alex Trebek, Art Linkletter and Dan Aykroyd have in the popular perception become American, and Christopher Plummer, British.

It is as if, in the very act of becoming famous, a Canadian ceases to be Canadian, unless she is Margaret Atwood, who is as unshakably Canadian as a moose, or Celine Dion, for whom Canada has proved quite unable to find any takers.

Moreover, Canada is every bit as querulously alert to the achievements of its sons and daughters as the rest of the world is completely unaware of them. The Canadians proudly say of themselves - and are unheard by anyone else - that 1% of the world's population has provided 10% of the world's peacekeeping forces.

Canadian soldiers in the past half century have been the greatest peacekeepers on Earth - in 39 missions on UN mandates, and six on non-UN peacekeeping duties, from Vietnam to East Timor, from Sinai to Bosnia. Yet the only foreign engagement that has entered the popular non-Canadian imagination was the sorry affair in Somalia, in which out-of-control paratroopers murdered two Somali infiltrators. Their regiment was then disbanded in disgrace - a uniquely Canadian act of self-abasement for which, naturally, the Canadians received no international credit.

So who today in the United States knows about the stoic and selfless friendship its northern neighbour has given it in Afghanistan ?

Rather like Cyrano de Bergerac, Canada repeatedly does honourable things for honourable motives, but instead of being thanked for it, it remains something of a figure of fun. It is the Canadian way, for which Canadians should be proud, yet such honour comes at a high cost. This past year more grieving Canadian families knew that cost all too tragically well.

Lest we forget.

Hey Larry!!

It's your birthday tomorrow, and I probably won't be online, so I'm wishing you a

SPOOKTACULAR BIRTHDAY

I hope you're painting the town red tonight for Hallowe'en and then tomorrow night for your birthday. I'm sure Steph is planning on getting you shit-faced drunk to celebrate.

Wish we could be there to celebrate with you.

In the meantime, I'm sending long, deep, hot, wet, toe-curling cyber kisses your way.

And, uh, Mossy says "Happy Birthday, dude."

This will make Mossy a very happy man

No, it doesn't have anything to do with sex (geeze, you people!).

It's this.

I swear, I can already see his grin.

(I married such a geek)

Election? Forget the stupid election! I have something Better..

Meet Chip Stone Shagwell



Pretty neat, huh? Gotta love 3D ultrasounds. That's my baby. It's in my tummy right now. I watched Chip rub his/her eyes and wiggle around and cover his/her face with his/her hands and yawn and fall asleep.

And now I cannot wait until January.

Is it time now?

I wanna hold our baby.

12 weeks to go... 12 weeks and 2 days to my due date. I am dying over here with impatience.

Anyway, for the first and probably only time in this child's life, I am totally being a pageant mom.

Chip is up for a Baby of the Month contest. If we win, we receive a 2nd 3D ultrasound absolutely free.

Normally, I wouldn't care about this but, y'see, Mossy didn't get to go to the first ultrasound because he had "must attend" meetings at work (which were cancelled, right in the middleof my ultrasound).

I *really* want him to see this in action. It's the most amazing, surreal, breathtaking, heartswelling thing short of child birth itself.

So I'm not-so-humbly asking you all to go here, everyday between now and October 22nd, and vote for the cute one in the middle, known as "Baby Sheppard".

Thanks!

For Larry

Newfunese v. Cape Breton-ish

First, Cape Breton-ish Don't let the fact that he's talking about a vehicle named the Bonavista - which is in Newfie - fool you. This it a Cape Bretoner trying to be Newfie, but every good Newfie will know he's not a true Newf.




This is a true conversation between two Newfs. See how they talk over each other? Yeah, they really do that..and this is exactly how some of my relatives sound. I understand (most) of it and it makes me homesick.

A Very Long Week, or, The In-Law Rescue, Part II

For those that have read Mossy's post on our week, this will, hopefully, fill in the blanks.

I'm sure most of you are wondering why it's Mossy's "In-Law Rescue, Part II". Well, I posted all about In-law Rescue, Part I on another blog but will copy it here for your reading enjoyment:

January 3, 2008

My Mom hasn't been feeling well for the past few months. The doctor has done a number of tests that insist she has a clean bill of health and yet, she is not doing well.

On her birthday (Dec. 28th) I called to send her my love. My Dad stopped me in my tracks with "Mom is not well at all." Now, my Mom is a house on fire. This lady at 77 years of age has more energy, vim and vigour than I ever did. She cannot sit still and she loves to clean and putter around the house (amazing the weird way genetics work... wish I had received that gene). Anyway, Dad said she was sleeping a lot, had no energy and was forgetting and mixing up things. She didn't want to do anything at all. That is NOT my Mom. Dad was quite worried and the more my siblings and I spoke to Mom, the more worried we became, too.

My parents decided to drive home so that Mom could see her family doctor. After much haranguing by one of my brothers, they decided to fly home -- much to the relief of all of us. So, first thing Sunday morning (the 30th), Mossy and I flew down to Ft. Myers. We arrived around noon, helped Mom and Dad pack up the house and their belongings and then were on the road by 6:45 the next morning, driving their van home.

Mom and Dad flew home and Mom saw her doctor right away. We're still not sure what's wrong and she's not getting much better, but she's not getting worse, either, so I guess that's a small blessing.

Mossy and I took 2 days to drive their van home. We made it to Wytheville, Virgina that first night (after 14 hours of driving)...had a crappy sleep in a nice hotel and then started off 2008 by driving another 12 hours and making it back to my parents' condo in Pickering by 6 pm. We were tired. We were punchy. But, we had fun on the drive.

Thank God Mossy and I enjoy each other's company enough to spend all that time together and still like each other enough to cuddle in bed that night."

Since that time, the news about my Mom's health hasn't been great. Mom contracted Hepatitis C from a blood transfusion about 30 years ago. Because of her active lifestyle and "clean" living (never smoked, doesn't drink, keeps her weight down, etc) the Hep C went into remission for an amazing 30 years.

However, now it's back, it's killing her liver...and killing her.

It could be 6 months, it could be 6 years, no one knows. All we do know is that she's not going to get better on her own and there's nothing they can do to cure her. So it's just a matter of time.

Mom and Dad have a home in Newfoundland and, with the doctor's blessings, they went to spend the summer there. Last, June, my Dad drove their van down by himself and once he was there, Mom flew down on her own to meet him.

My Mom had a great time. All their rellies (cousins, etc) are still there and everyone treated my Mom like precious cargo. They spoiled her rotten and made sure that she and Dad were well looked after. Even with that, though, Mom's healthy is still declining. Her cognitive abilities are slowing down. She becomes confused and forgets things. She has a nap every day and when she wakes up, you have to remind her of what day it is and that it's the afternoon, etc.

For the return to Ontario this fall, they had originally planned that Dad would put Mom on a plane, I would meet her at the airport in Toronto and Dad would drive home. Well because of Mom's decline, neither Dad nor Mom felt comfortable with Mom flying on her own. So we made plans that I would fly down on the 30th (again, the 30th... how weird is that?) and fly home with Mom on the 3rd, stay with her at the condo and my Dad would drive home. No problem.

Mossy made a comment on Friday the 26th that he wished he was coming with me. I told him that I wished he was going as well. I have to admit, I was a bit worried about flying to Newfie and being in a wee small town down there while 6 months pregnant - the closest hospital being just over an hour away. So, Mossy got the time off work and we booked him a flight as well.

Anyway, to make an already too long story a bit shorter - it ended up that my Mom and I flew home on the 3rd, and Mossy and my Dad drove their van home (and that, Larry, is why Mossy didn't fly home). Mom and I were both relieved that Dad would have company on the drive as it's a long one. I was more relieved, however, when I saw him back in Pickering, safe and sound.

Neither one of us had slept well. At my parents' place in Newfie, the bed we were sleeping on was slightly smaller than a double and the mattress had to be 30 years old. Not only did it have the saggy divot in the middle of the bed, but for some reason, our feet were higher than our heads.

For those in the know, sleeping while pregnant is a challenge in the best of times... sleeping in a bed like this was impossible for me. I spent most of both nights we were there either sleeping in the lazy boy or on the couch. Neither of which were comfortable. Oh, did I mention that because my Mom is always cold, my Dad had the heat quite high? I'm too warm right now period. Can't get cool unless the room is frigidly cold (will let Mossy tell you how cold our bedroom is most nights...ha ha ha take that as you will). So from the 30th to the 2nd, I was overheated, overtired and stressed. Fun!

The last night in Gander was spent in a hotel. Niiiiiice beds... lotsa pillows....frame construction and, we're pretty sure, a clogging convention going on in the room above us. Oh and the thermostat was locked, so I couldn't cool down the room. Scratch a third night's sleep.

Mom and I caught the plane and Dad and Mossy started the drive. My next 2 1/2 days were spent taking care of my Mom. Sounds pretty easy, but it was actually mentally exhausting. I won't go into detail but I have more respect for my Dad now than ever. Taking care of someone that gets confused and lost is hard work.

Poor Mossy wasn't sleeping well on the drive home, either.

By the time we met up with each other yesterday afternoon, we were both so exhausted - mentally and physically - that we could barely speak.

However, our mission was accomplished: Mom and Dad are home, safe and sound. Mossy and my Dad enjoyed each other's company (and how many father-in-laws and son-in-laws can say that?) and Mom and I had a nice time. When we went to leave, Mom put her arms around me and just kept saying, 'I love you, I love you, I love you. Thank you, my dear. I love you so much." I told her that it was fun and no big deal, however, I'm not sure I could do it again. Does that make me a bad daughter?

Mom sees her specialist next week and will find out if she can go to Florida for the winter. I won't be able to fly with her then (I'll be too pregnant to be allowed on planes) so we'll have to come up with another plan. Maybe one of my siblings will be able to go. At any rate, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

For now, we're home, Mossy's back at work and I'm still trying to recuperate while trying to get my house back in order.

That's the whole, long, drawn out story.

And yeah, Larry, it is actually 4 languages in 5 provinces: Newfie, Cape Breton-ish, French and English. And I can speak them all ;)

A Very Happy Unbirthday

Who shares your birthday?

I share mine with:

Kevin Bacon
Marty Feldman
Angelica Huston
Steve Lawrence
John D Rockefeller
Nelson Rockefeller
and Jerry Vale.

Neat part is, I know all but one of those people, too (who the hell is Jerry Vale?).

Thanks to Motherdear for giving Callie the idea...and Callie for mentioning it.

C'mon people, easy blog post for everyone!

Thank you, Thank you Very Much..

Apparently Chip is due on Elvis' birthday, January 10th.

My chiro's assistant/receptionist -- who is a die-hard HUGE forever and ever Elvis groupie - informed me of this the other day.

I was slightly horrified as I missed the whole Elvis pandemonium and only think of this:



She was ecstatic because when she thinks of Elvis, she sees this:



She now calls me "Baby Elvis Mama".

Gah.

I really hope the baby isn't born on its due date.

Happy Birthday to the Wondertwins

My babies turn 14 today.

Where does the time go? I made this several months ago. Pictures aren't great as I wasn't sure how to use Mossy's scanner, but you'll get the idea.

You'll see why I want more kids.

And yeah, they're as awesome as they look. :)

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com